Dear Knoxville Drivers,

YOU SUCK.

No, seriously. I have never been in an area where people drive worse than they do here. Even in the Bahamas, where I found 2 airplane bottles of Absolut Vodka in Miss Patty's cupholders.

I almost get in a wreck pretty much every day. It's actually really scary driving around here. I don't feel safe at all. At least I know my car is very safe if anything were to ever happen. Today I almost got hit by someone that didn't know how to merge. It was like they had never learned how to do it...

I am going to complain about this for the duration of my stay in this fine, mountain city. In order to get this off of my chest before I start working for the day, I came up with some "rules of thumb" for those of us that do not know how to drive. For me, they just seem like common sense.

A few suggestions:

1. Never ever when you are merging, and traffic is flowing on the highway, should you use your breaks nor should you slow down. Get up to the speed of traffic, then enter into the right lane.

2. That space I leave between me and the car in front of me? Yeah, its not for you Mr. Crappy Driver. Just because I don't tailgate the car in front of me, doesn't mean that I want to get cut off on a regular basis.

3. Speaking of, don't tailgate me. It makes me drive slower just to piss you off. Tailgating = when you are so far up my butt, that I can't even tell what kind of car you are driving (in extreme scenarios). This did happen to me last night. For the record, it turned out to be an old, beat up, maroon Saturn.

4. Don't try and pass me on the right. Seriously, its not gonna happen. As soon as I see you speeding up next to me, I make sure it doesn't happen.

5. Please do not go less than the speed limit in the left lane. Then I will try and pass you on the right, and that's just not safe driving.

6. It is completely unnecessary to come to a near-complete stop when making a right turn.

7. When I honk at you because you almost killed me, please continue watching the road and don't glare into my car (or have your passenger glare into my car) like I did something wrong because I can guarantee you, I didn't. I don't use my horn without valid reason. Coming an inch away from hitting my car is a valid reason in my book.

At least one, or any combination of the above happens to me everytime I get in the car and drive somewhere around here. I suppose another thing that has me fired up about this subject is that I watched the UK PSA about Texting While Driving. It is pretty scary, and it has converted me to never doing it again. Its just not worth it. I ask everyone to take the 4 minutes and 15 seconds to watch it. It's pretty gruesome but impactful.

I only write this because I needed a place to vent my frustrations, and this is the most public way I know how. I wanted this to be somewhat humorous, but in all seriousness, people do need to be more aware of how they are driving because its not just their safety at stake. 2 cars at 75 mph colliding will not turn out well for any of the parties involved.

In conclusion, Knoxville drivers, please stop being so selfish and drive like you actually care about the safety of others on the road.

EDIT: Ok, so I was pretty pissed when I got to work this morning, so I am not trying to accuse all Knoxville drivers, just drivers in general. I just ask everyone to be as safe as possible! We are all important, and getting somewhere quickly is never ever more important than yours or someone else's life.